Interview Confidence

The number one thing clients tell me they want is confidence.

But what does confidence mean exactly?  For many, it’s murky - difficult to explain or describe.  

Some people describe confidence as if it’s something you either have or you don’t– like being left- or right handed. “I’m just not a confident person.”  If that’s true, then if you don’t have it, then, well… I guess you’re just S** out of luck.

When I first thought about it, I would have said it’s related to doing the correct actions. Saying the perfect words in an interview, looking the part with polished nails and clothes, or cutting down on filler words like um and like. But that theory quickly falls apart because I’ve met a lot of people who can say the right words, but don’t come across as confident.

So, I thought, maybe confidence is about how you say it – tone of voice, body language, posture?  These things do matter.  They can help someone appear confident, but even then, I’ve met many clients who look great on the outside while secretly spiraling on the inside.  They would certainly not describe themselves as confident.

So what is confidence then?

Confidence is an emotion.

It’s a feeling.  It’s about what’s under the surface.  What we really want is to FEEL confident. 

This means that instead of “having it, or not “having it” it’s actually just an emotion that we experience.  And good news, you can on-purpose actively do things to influence your emotions.

You don’t have to magically generate confidence out of nowhere. 

First, Acknowledge it’s Normal Not to Feel Confident in Everything

Just like we’re not meant to feel happy all the time or sad all the time, we’re not supposed to feel confident all the time.  

If I asked you to walk a tightrope for the first time, it’d be pretty unhealthy for you to feel confident about that.  In fact, it’d be dangerous for you to feel confident.  It’s GOOD that you don’t feel confident in doing that new thing.

Build Confidence by Doing the Thing

For most of us, interviews fall into the “new thing” category.  But we don’t always think about them that way.  We often have this unspoken expectation – that we should already know how to do this - that we should feel confident when we’re approaching an interview.  The answers should just roll off our tongue the first time.  After all, it’s just talking, right?

I’m going to say: wrong.

I know, I know, you might be saying, but Kendra, for me, it’s NOT new. I’ve done this before. And failed.  I didn’t make it to the next round, or to that offer.  More than once.  

Fair.  But let’s zoom out. 

Did you learn to drive a car perfectly the second time?  How about the third?  

Exactly.  Interviewing is a learned skill just like driving. You don’t instantly know how to do it.  You build the ability through repetition, mistakes, adjustments and practice.

That’s why I run mock interviews with clients. When you answer questions out loud in front of another human—you’re building proof. Your brain registers: I can do this. I’ve done it before.  

This is the one of the best and most lasting paths to feeling confident about your interview.

Shifting the Story in Your Head

In your day-to-day job, you probably know what you’re doing most of the time. It may have been years since you last felt like a beginner. Interviews bring you back to that vulnerable place of not being sure. Again - that’s normal.

One school of belief is that our thoughts influence our feelings.

Thoughts —> Feelings

If you can shift your thoughts, you can shift your feelings.

What I don’t mean by this is brute-force affirmations.  I am confident.  I am confident.  With this approach, our brain calls bullshit.  It knows it’s not true.  It has no evidence, no logic to actually believe that statement.

So, what CAN you do?

Replace less useful thoughts with ones that you actually believe and that lean into determination, curiosity, or excitement. Below are some common ones.

While you’re practicing:

• Instead of: I know what I’m doing, I know what I’m doing.
  Try: It’s okay to take time to strategically identify what I need to communicate in this interview.  I’m taking time to plan out what I want to say.
  

• Instead of: I should already know how to do this.
  Try: Interviewing is a learned skill.
  

• Instead of: I’m freaking out.
  Try: I did it well in practice, I can do it again.

Right before the interview:

• Instead of: Oh my gosh, I’m so nervous.
  Try: I’m excited.

During the interview:

• Instead of: I have to appear confident.
  Try: I can be curious about my interviewer.
  

• Instead of: I have to get this perfect.
  Try: Even with mistakes, I can still connect and land the role.
  

By feeding your brain with thoughts it actually buys into, you can shift to thoughts that actually help you feel more confident in your interview.  

Shifting Your Body, Literally

For more icing on the cake, we can use our bodies to shift how we feel.  The way me move and hold our bodies feeds signals back to the brain.  You may know about Amy Cuddy’s power pose talk.  It’s essentially about doing poses (standing like wonder woman, or taking up a lot of space with your arms) that make your testosterone go up and cortisol down.  At the end of her talk she says this “leads people to FEEL more powerful, confident, engaging, warm and excited.”  And in her tests, people were more hireable when they exuded these feelings.  So while this isn’t as lasting as some of the other methods, it’s certainly worth doing before an interview.  How you feel matters.

If you’d like to fast-track your way into feeling more confident, I’d love to work with you!

I offer coaching sessions to help you get from where you are to where you want to be.